Turn Ons Vs. Turn Offs

So Cracked.com, a site that requires at least one daily visit, made a list of the 6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turn Women Off. Needless to say, it should bring some good humor to an otherwise lagging Wednesday.

#6.

Talking to Her

So you're in a club and--thanks to those eight shots of Jager, each of which you swear is making you exponentially sexier than you were before you downed them--you finally decide to approach the hot chick you've been leering creepily at all night. You've got your game face on and an arsenal of pick-up lines that would slay a Victoria's Secret catwalk.

With a perfect storm of raw sex appeal like this brewing all around you, it comes as no surprise to you that the object of your carnal desires is flirting back.   

But then, just as you're preparing to land your plane at Bonesville International Airport, she starts backing off. Somehow, the more you talk to her, the less smooth you become. When she awkwardly ends the conversation five minutes later you're literally babbling like a moron. A moron with a now totally useless boner.

What the Hell Happened?!

If you feel like you sound stupid when you talk to women, don't worry, you do. In a recent study, men chatted with attractive women and then were subjected to basic tests. They failed miserably. And when we say "basic tests" we don't mean fourth grade math, either. We're talking not being able to remember your own address (unless you were asked to take a woman there, right, killer?)

"Sorry, it appears I have punctured my copy of the test with my boner."

Unsurprisingly, the more attractive you find a woman, the worse this effect is and the stupider you will sound when talking to her. The scientists didn't go so far as to say what everyone was thinking (that the effect is caused by blood flowing away from your brain and directly to your junk), but women suffered no such memory lapses at all when tested after chatting with handsome studs like you.

However, one of the scientists did say the difference could be down to the fact that women are interested in things other than looks while men are "reproductively focused," which is a much more tactful, scientific way of saying, "Dudes get easily distracted by the thought of boning."

KEEP READING

Intellectual Laughs

Here's a nice little Friday story for everyone to read. Enjoy!

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, than the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'